Sunday, September 14, 2014

NFL Week 2! Electric Boogaloo

Week 2! What a crappy week for the NFL, largely because its worst people did terrible things and, for the first time in my life, the NFL front office looks like a bunch of bumbling jackasses. Way to go, guys! I was 8-8 with my picks last week, so I'm not doing much better I suppose. YIKES. Onto the picks!

Thursday 9/11

Pittsburgh at Baltimore

I thought the Ravens would win, but that it would be close. Nope! Thanks for showing up, Steelers. I had:

Ravens 20
Steelers 10

Sunday 9/14 (happy birthday, Mom!)

Miami at Buffalo

Two surprise winners from week 1. I have no idea what to make of this game, other than the fact that the Bills can run really well and I don't know much about Miami other than that they shut out New England in the second half, so their defense is probably pretty decent. I guess I'll take the Bills at home, but this is the classic "could go either way" kind of game to me. I have no idea.

Bills 28
Dolphins 20

Jacksonville at Washington

Ugh, another tough one. Maybe Jacksonville isn't that awful? The Redskins kinda looked awful. But...I'll take the 'Skins at home, because, RGIII. I don't know.

Redskins 20
Jacksonville 17

Dallas at Tennessee

I'm gonna keep picking against the Cowboys until they prove that they can play one game without Tony Romo making a fool of himself out there. Yeesh.

Titans 28
Cowboys 24

Arizona at New York Giants

The Giants have GOT to bounce back this week, right? I don't know. I'll pick them just because Arizona's QB situation continues to be a bit of a mess.

Giants 21
Arizona 14

New England at Minnesota

Of COURSE the Pats get to play Minnesota without Adrian Peterson, because the football gods live to spite me and shine the sun on all of the teams that I hate.

Patriots 27
Vikings 10

New Orleans at Cleveland

I'm going to take Cleveland, because they're SCRAPPY. Also, New Orleans is playing outside. They don't like playing outside.

Browns 30
Saints 24

Atlanta at Cincinnati

I like the Bengals here, because I'm still not sold on the Falcons, and also...do I need another reason?

Bengals 31
Falcons 27

Detroit at Carolina

Oh Cam Newtown, why did you go and provoke the most psychotic defensive tackle in football? Although you have to admit, Donkey Kong Suh is a FANTASTIC fantasy football team name.

Lions 28
Panthers 24

St. Louis at Tampa Bay

The Rams looked terrible last week, and that will continue this week. They're just a very bad football team.

Buccaneers 24
Rams 14

Seattle at San Diego

I've gotta pick the defending champs, because they looked downright nasty in week one. Will they be the team to finally break the current crappy decade-long streak and actually get to the Super Bowl in back to back years? Channeling my inner Kent Brockman, only TIME...will tell.

Seahawks 31
Chargers 17

Houston at Oakland

Houston. Because Oakland is very, very bad. However I will say that Derek Carr looked decent in week one, so hopefully the Raiders can build from that. Houston and the Fightin' JJ Watts will take care of business, but it'll be close because the Texans aren't that good either.

Texans 20
Raiders 17

New York Jets at Green Bay

My heart really wants to take my beloved Jets, but my head tells me that the secondary will get exposed and that Geno Smith will have a killer turnover at a terrible time. Can't wait to yell at the TV later.

Packers 27
Jets 17

Kansas City at Denver

Denver, I guess? I don't know. Kansas City looked REALLY bad last week, I was kind of shocked. Gotta like Peyton Manning at home, especially this early in the year.

Broncos 31
Chiefs 21

Chicago at San Francisco

To quote the immortal Bart Scott, the Bears defense "can't stop a nosebleed." They got run over by the Bills, and I expect the same thing in San Francisco.

49ers 30
Bears 20

Monday 9/15

Philadelphia at Indianapolis

Oooh, I like this game. I'll take the Eagles because the Colts...I don't know how well coached they are, to be honest. They seem to be very inconsistent. Chip Kelly > Chuck Pagano, and Philly > Indy. But I think this will be a very fun game to watch, an old school shootout.

Eagles 38
Colts 31

Week 1 results: 8-8
Season results: 8-8




"This just in...GO TO HELL!"












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