Week 9 - I'm Bringing that Jets Luck to the Patriots Bandwagon! Go Pats!

My love/hate relationship with football rages on. Yesterday, Syracuse and freshman quarterback AJ Long broke my heart. But at least I still care about them. The Jets? I don't care anymore. I'm a die hard Patriots fan now! Actually, I always have been. I love TOMMY TERRIFIC - he's my hero! I'm going to wear a hoodie today and cut the sleeves off, just like coaching legend Bill Belichick! I'm gonna wear a stupid shirt with a different color collar, just like respected NFL statesman Robert Kraft! WHOO GO PATS YOUAH WICKED AWWWWESOME!

Pictured - my hero

Onto the picks!

Thursday 10/30

New Orleans at Carolina

Well well well, the New Orleans Saints won a game on the road! Aww, good for you! Have a jumbalaya flavored cookie or something. I picked this one wrong. I had:

Panthers 27
Saints 24

Sunday 11/2

New York Jets at Kansas City

HAHAHHHHAHA I hate you, Jets. Or I would if I cared! But I'm a Patriots fan, not a Jets fan. I just feel bad for my Jets fan friends. These last 14 years must have been pretty rough for you guys, huh?

Chiefs 31
Jets 13

Tampa Bay at Cleveland

Woof. That's both a reference to the dog pound, er, sorry, DAWG POUND! and a terse assessment of the quality of this matchup.

Browns 21
Buccaneers 18

Arizona at Dallas

Poor Tony Romo. I was on the Cowboys bandwagon last week, and it almost got Romo killed. I'm so sorry, Dallas fans :(

Cardinals 27
Cowboys 20

Philadelphia at Houston

I still miss the Oilers (I know, I know, I can't let it go). With that in mind, I'll just pretend that the Texans are the Oilers, okay?

Eagles 28
Oilers 24

Jacksonville at Cincinnati

The word Cincinnati looks a little bit like "ILLUMINATI," if you squint your eyes real hard and then close them all the way. I see what you're up to, NFL. You can't fool me!

Bengals 31
Jaguars 20

San Diego at Miami

A rematch of the first NFL game I remember watching (the famous 1982 AFC divisional playoff game, which the Chargers won 41-38). I think we'll have a similar outcome here.

Chargers 34
Dolphins 30

Washington at Minnesota

I mean...the Redskins are starting RGIII this week. Is that even good? I think he might suck.

Vikings 27
Redskins 20

St. Louis at San Francisco

YOU NEED MOAR FAKE PUNT RETURNS, RAMS.

49ers 31
Rams 21

Denver at New England

GO PATS GO!

Greatriots 38
Broncos 31

Oakland at Seattle

I remember when this used to be a great AFC West matchup. Remember when Boz got blown up by Bo Jackson? Yeah you do.



Now we're in 2014. Damn it Raiders, stop blocking the Jets from getting the first overall pick!!! Ha, just kidding, I don't care about the Jets anymore, remember?

Seahawks 27
Raiders 17

Baltimore at Pittsburgh

Ooh good one. The Steelers seem to have finally gotten their shit together, so I'll take them at home. Just as long as they don't wear those stupid uniforms again.

Pictured - eye bleach

Steelers 27
Ravens 24

Monday 11/3

Indianapolis at New York Giants

Is this going to be a re-enactment of the "Greatest Game Ever Played," aka, the 1958 NFL Championship Game!?!?!?

No.

Colts 31
Giants 20

Last week: 7-7
Season: 62-43