Super Bowl 49 Prediction!!!!!

When I was a kid, I always knew which Super Bowl was coming up. I have to admit that I had to use Google today to figure out which Roman numeral we were up to this year (XLIX, or 49, if you're living sometime after the fall of the Roman Empire). It's probably because, in the year I was born, Super Bowl X was being played (much easier to remember). Also, HOLY SHIT, I'm old. Also, when you're a kid, you literally have nothing better to do than pay attention to stuff like this. I've truly turned into Denis Leary's "asshole" as I approach middle age - I like football, and porno, and books about war. I've got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor. My wife, my job, my kid(s) and my car. My feet on the table, and a Cuban cigar. Etc.

Anyway, onto the game itself!

Sunday 2/1

New England vs. Seattle

Well, here it is. The Super Bowl. Or, as it's referred to on radio ads without the rights to use the term "Super Bowl," the "Big Game on Sunday." This is the eighth time in my life I've seen the New England Patriots play in a Super Bowl, and the third time I've seen the Seattle Seahawks play in one. Meanwhile, the last time the Jets were in the Super Bowl, I was -7 years old. I hate football.

Anyway, stupid ball deflating scandals and ludicrous media day interviews aside, this is actually a very interesting matchup for actual football fans. I never played football, so I won't pretend to go into some kind of in-depth analysis where I talk about Seattle's Cover 3 defensive scheme (all I know is that it's a defense that I never choose in Madden, because I BLITZ ON EVERY DOWN, PLAYA), or the Patriots clever "matchup" offense that seems to morph like an amoeba every week, depending on the opponent. Look, it's Tom Brady vs. the Seattle defense, and Russell Wilson trying to throw against a very good Patriots' secondary. I hope that Wilson is able to scramble around long enough to buy time for even the Patriots' defenders to fail, resulting in open Seahawk receivers. I hope that Cam Chancellor and Richard Sherman and company can shut down the Patriots passing attack, and actually wrap people up, because the Patriots seem to live on YAC (FOOTBALL TERM USED).

According to Syracuse football legend Paul Pasqauloni, "The game is about field position and turnovers, and that's what the game is about." Even a simple mind is capable of moments of inspired clarity, and that quote proves it. The game IS about those things. The Seahawks were incredibly careless with the ball last week, and if Mike McCarthy had any guts (or a pulse), the Packers would be playing in the Super Bowl today instead. I'm hopeful that this means that Seattle got their "bad game" out of the way, much the same way the Pats got theirs out of the way against the Ravens. I'm thinking it's going to be a very close game, and it might be relatively low scoring for a while. I want to predict a Seahawks blowout victory, but I fear that Tom Brady is going to get his fourth ring, and all of the horrible time I spent in the bathroom on Friday with a stomach bug will feel like the prologue to my feelings after the clock hits zeroes tonight. I'm queasy just thinking about, but the life of a Jets fan is all about disappointment and disgust, so I can take it.

Patriots 27
Seahawks 24

Two weeks ago: 2-0
Playoffs: 8-2
Regular Season: 141-83

BONUS QUIZ FOR BANDWAGON PATRIOTS AND SEAHAWKS FANS!

Can you name the two players pictured below without consulting Google? No cheating! I'll be silently judging you...