Ah, hubris. After going 13-3 in week 2, I was like, "Oh yeah, I've got this prediction stuff on LOCKDOWN." Fast forward to week 3's dreadful 8-8 performance, and it's clear that the football gods have sent me a message. And that message is "BRIAN - YOU SUCK AT PICKING FOOTBALL GAMES AND AT LIFE." The second part was a little harsh, but either way, I read you loud and clear. Better luck this time, eh? Onto the picks!
Thursday 9/26
San Francisco at St. Louis
I have nothing to offer other than that I did pick San Fran to win this game (text message sent to my friend Adam VERIFIES THE VALIDITY OF THIS PICK). I had no idea it would be a blowout, though, I was thinking more like:
49ers 24
Rams 17
Sunday 9/29
New York Jets at Tennessee
Oh man, I have no idea. I liked some of what I saw from the Jets last week, but I can't pick them on the road here. They're an undisciplined mess, despite being incredibly talented on the defensive side. The Titans seem well coached and Jake Locker seems downright adequate. Oh, and *die in a fire, Kyle Wilson.
*sports die - not actual die.
Titans 17
Jets 13
Baltimore at Buffalo
Well, last week I was bagging on the Ravens pretty hard, so naturally they go and beat the fraudulent Houston Texans at home. As for Buffalo, this QB of theirs...yikes. I wasn't impressed by Buffalo at all, although they DO tend to be better at home. But...
Ravens 24
Bills 14
Cincinnati at Cleveland
Inspired effort last week by Cleveland at Minnesota, getting a win and completely knocking half of the country out of their survivor pools in the process. That said, the Bengals are just better than they are.
Bengals 30
Browns 10
Chicago at Detroit
Chicago seems awfully good, although Detroit DID beat the Redskins in Washington for, like, the first time ever. So good on them. But I'm sticking with my CFL head coach homeboy and the Monsters of the Midway in this one.
Bears 28
Lions 24
New York Giants at Kansas City
Wow. I did NOT expect to see the Giants get their asses kicked last week by the Panthers like that. That was brutal. I don't think I remember seeing the Giants be that terrible since the days of Scott Brunner at QB (yes, I'm that old, I do actually remember the pre-Phil Simms New York Giants). That said, something about this game screams out to me. I know the Chiefs are 3-0, and I know Andy Reid is a good coach, and they're at home, and this might be the first time in YEARS that the Chiefs might be a little over confident. Combine that with the fact that the Giants are desperate, and I'm going to pick the Giants ONE MORE TIME in an upset today.
Giants 20 (10 safeties maybe?)
Chiefs 17
Pittsburgh at Minnesota
Well, both of these teams are lousy, but am I'm gonna say that Matt Cassell will stabilize the QB position just enough for the Vikings to win? Nah, that doesn't sound right. At least the Steelers showed some signs of life last week in their loss. Something's gotta give here, and I'm gonna go with the Steelers because I can't imagine the Pittsburgh Steelers going 0-4. I hate this pick, but there it is.
Steelers 13
Vikings 10
Arizona at Tampa Bay
THE GREG SCHIANO EXPRESS ROLL ON!
Cardinals 20
Bucs 14
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
This is simply my weekly "just pick against Jacksonville" selection, nothing to see here.
Colts 28
Jaguars 3
Seattle at Houston
THE GREAT AND POWERFUL Russell Wilson (and his beastly running back Marshawn Lynch) will continue to expose the Texans for the fraud that they are. Contender in the AFC, my ass.
Seahawks 27
Texans 17
Philadelphia at Denver
I can't wait to see how many possessions Chip Kelly's fast paced offense will give to the Broncos offense. Peyton Manning may throw 10 touchdowns in this game. I'm giddy (and strangely aroused) at the prospect.
Broncos 56
Eagles 35
Washington at Oakland
This would be a great matchup, in 1983. In 2013...not so much. People are starting to realize that by asking RGIII to stand around in the pocket, you basically turn him into Blane Gabbert. Let him run! That's what makes him good! Who cares if he gets hurt, Dan Snyder? You won't be able to market the guy anyway if he stays healthy and goes 4-12 every goddamned year.
Redskins 23
Raiders 17
Dallas at San Diego
As always, I don't know what the hell to make of either of these teams. I've gone back and forth on this pick for several minutes now, which means that I've already wasted too much time on it. I'll say that the Cowboys force enough turnovers to pull out a close game. Okay? Happy now? Moving on.
Cowboys 24
Chargers 21
New England at Atlanta
Well obviously I'd LIKE to pick against New England, but I feel like they burn me every time I do that. Atlanta is...man, they're like the Texans of the NFC. A team that is just missing that "it" factor, and consequently they fail to inspire. They're desperate but I still think the Pats pull it off.
Patriots 24
Falcons 20
Monday 9/30
Miami at New Orleans
Look, I already admitted last week that the Dolphins were good, okay? STOP MAKING ME SAY IT. That said, I think the Saints will do just enough to win at home. Right? RIGHT? I wouldn't be surprised if Miami wins, but I see this as a pick 'em so I'll take New Orleans by a figgie.
Saints 30
Dolphins 27
Last week: 8-8
Season: 30-18
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