Sunday, October 27, 2013

Week 8 - so far, so bad. The only thing that's constant is that I've learned nothing

Wow, last week's picks were brutal. I needed the winless Giants to come through to push me over .500 for the week, and thank GOD they were playing the Minnesota Vikings. Thanks, G-Men! Now, let's try to do better this week on the prognostication front - onto the picks!

Thursday 10/24

Carolina at Tampa Bay

I picked the Panthers in this one, which was kind of an easy pick, given how atrocious Tampa Bay is this season. HI GREG SCHIANO! HI DARRELLE REVIS!! LOVE YOU GUYS, YOU 0-7 LOSERS! HAHAHAHAHA

Panthers 20
Bucs 3

Sunday 10/27

Dallas at Detroit

Uh...I guess Detroit? Dallas is the best team in the NFC East, which is sort of like being the best chess player on Mars (work with me here). As for Detroit, Calvin Johnson is a go, so there you have it.

Lions 30
Cowboys 20

Cleveland at Kansas City

Eventually the Chiefs are going to lose, right? I mean, they're good, but 8-0 good? I guess so. The Andy Reid Big Red Express rolls on at Arrhowhead.

Chiefs 27
Browns 17

Miami at New England

I'm sure that the Patriots are still gnashing their teeth about the way they lost to the Jets last week (hehe), and Miami has really come down to earth. That's not a good combination for the sea mammals.

Patriots 28
Dolphins 16

Buffalo at New Orleans

I'm going to guess that the Saints have enough to win this one at home, even though Buffalo refuses to give up this season, no matter which stiff they roll out to play QB.

Saints 31
Bills 24

New York Giants at Philadelphia

That win last week over the Vikings...ugh. I mean, good for the Giants, but I didn't think that the Giants looked any better. They just ran into complete incompetence and simply stunk less. On the other side of this one, Nick Foles is terrible, but Mike Vick decided to return from his annual injury spell to play in this one, so I guess I'll take the Eagles at the Linc for the season sweep.

Eagles 28
Giants 14

San Francisco at Jacksonville

Jacksonville sucks.

49ers 27
Jaguars 10

New York Jets at Cincinnati Bengals

Hey, I spelled Cincinnati right this week. PROGRESS. As for this game, Geno Smith has been yo-yoing between good and bad, and I feel like he's due for "bad." I also don't like the Jets offense against the Bengals defense, but if the Jets limit turnovers, they can keep it close. I just don't know who is going to cover AJ Green, because the Jets secondary is awful. This is not a great matchup for the Jets.

Bengals 27
Jets 20

Pittsburgh at Oakland

The Steelers have been playing better the last few weeks, and the Raiders - while a tough out at home this year - won't have enough in the holster to beat Big Ben and co.

Steelers 20
Raiders 14

Washington at Denver

That was a fun shootout win for the Redskins last week against Chicago. Well, it would have been had I not picked the Bears to win. GRRRRRR. Denver, meanwhile, has looked pretty mortal the last few weeks. I think they will win at home, but the blowout days appear over because a) Denver's defense stinks, and b) Denver's offense could not POSSIBLY maintain that Tecmo Bowl pace forever.

Broncos 30
Redskins 24

Atlanta at Arizona

I like Arizona at home in a mild upset because why not.

Cardinals 20
Falcons 17

Green Bay at Minnesota

Poor Adrian Peterson. He's turning into the Kevin Garnett of football - a great superstar playing in Minnesota, stuck on an awful team. DON'T TRADE HIM TO NEW ENGLAND, YOU BASTARDS.

Packers 35
Vikings 10

Monday 10/28

Seattle at St. Louis

Gotta go with my NFC bandwagon boys, the Seahawks, in this one, against he Kellen Clemens-led(!) Rams. ISN'T RUSSELL WILSON JUST THE BEST?

Seahawks 31
Rams 17

Last week: 8-7
Season: 65-42

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