Well, as far as picks go, I was the suckiest suck that ever sucked last week. BRUTAL, BRUTAL job on the prediction front. I blame the NFL. Stupid parity. Hopefully, I can turn it around this week and restore whatever honor is left to my family name. Also, I wrote this blog entry while listening to NFL Films music. Hopefully the sweeping, majestic orchestrations of Sam Spence will serve to inspire me to greatness. Feel free to read these picks in the "voice of god" of the legendary John Facenda. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and narrate your whole life that way. It can't hurt.
HEREWEGO!
Thursday 11/7
Washington at Minnesota
Well damn it, THANKS REDSKINS. I picked you to win this game, thus guaranteeing me yet another 0-1 start to the week (Chris Mason, verbal confirmation was given at the Bike, as you may recall). I had:
Redskins 31
Vikings 20
Sunday 11/10
Seattle at Atlanta
Well, I want to pick against Atlanta because they suck, and I love the Seahawks...but man, the Seahawks have been flirting with disaster lately. I'm going to take the Falcons at home because the sloppy play and slow starts have got to catch up with Seattle eventually.
Falcons 24
Seahawks 20
Detroit at Chicago
Jay Cutler's back, but I still like the Lions in this one. Well, maybe. GAH, I don't know. I hate this pick. Trying to handicap late season divisional games is the absolute worst.
Lions 30
Bears 24
Philadelphia at Green Bay
I'm convinced that Aaron Rodgers masks a TON of flaws with a mediocre Packers team, so I'll take (ugh) the crappy Eagles in this one. Not that I think Nick Foles is going to throw seven touchdowns again or anything, but you CAN score on the Packers defense, right?
Eagles 35
Packers 21
Jacksonville at Tennessee
I'll just keep picking against the Jaguars, since they're already on the clock for the 2014 NFL draft.
Titans 28
Jaguars 17
St. Louis at Indianapolis
The national NFL media is officially in love with Andrew Luck, which is already annoying. But it's not hard for me to dislike Luck anyway, since his father, Oliver, is the douchebag athletic director for West Virginia who dissed Syracuse on WVU's way out of the Big East. How'd those last three meetings go against the Orange, you hillbilly moron? (spoiler alert, Syracuse won every time) Sorry, ranting - this has nothing to do with the game at hand. The Colts will win because the Rams have no offense and the Colts are a functional NFL team. So there you have it.
Colts 31
Rams 14
Oakland at New York Giants
Gotta take the G-men in this one, and lo and behold, they'll be right back in the race for the worst division in football. Congrats!
Giants 27
Raiders 17
Buffalo at Pittsburgh
I think this will go as expected - Buffalo will keep it close because that's what they do, and Pittsburgh will pull a win out of their asses because that's what they do (except when they play the Pats - 55 points, really?).
Steelers 20
Bills 17
Cincinnati at Baltimore
"What is the deal with the Baltimore Ravens?!" No idea, Jerry Seinfeld, but it's a good question. This is the lamest title defense I've seen since the 1987 Giants, and hey, at least they have the excuse of playing some games with a bunch of picket-line-crossing scabs. Meanwhile, the Bengals have got to bounce back after that herp-a-derp fest they displayed against Miami.
Bengals 27
Ravens 21
Carolina at San Francisco
Everyone's on the Panthers because of that defense and the fact that Cam Newton is playing well, but this is a tough spot. On the road, AT San Francisco? Hmmm...I know the Colts pulled it off, but coming off a bye, I have to stick with the 49ers here.
49ers 24
Panthers 20
Houston at Arizona
I'll take Arizona, simply because Houston is just a disaster. They're unlucky AND bad, a terrible combination.
Cardinals 17
Texans 16
Denver at San Diego
Should be a fun game, and hopefully the week off has given Peyton Manning time to rest up his arm a little bit. Lord knows my fantasy team needs him (and, uh, I guess the Broncos do too). I like the Broncos in a shootout. Right? Right.
Broncos 38
Chargers 31
Dallas at New Orleans
New Orleans is good at home. New Orleans is mad, coming off that loss to the Jets (hehe). Dallas, meanwhile, barely beat the Vikings at home last week. I don't like this matchup for the Cowboys at all.
Saints 37
Cowboys 24
Monday 11/11
Miami at Tampa Bay
Really, NFL? This is the Monday Night Football matchup? Woof. I'll take the Dolphins, because - even though I hate them - the more the Bucs lose, the better the Jets compensatory pick for Darrelle Revis gets. I hope the Bucs don't win more than two games this year, and hey, they really might not. HI GREG SCHIANO!
Dolphins 21
Bucs 17
Last week: 6-7 (ugh)
Season: 82-51
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