Week 14 NFL Picks Are Here! But more importantly, it's Week 1 of the fantasy football playoffs!

When your favorite NFL team sucks, the season can become pretty meaningless in a hurry (*COUGH* JETS *COUGH*). Thank god for Fantasy Football! New York Jets highly skilled and professional general manager John Idzik wishes he had the kind of draft that I did. My teams are both in the fantasy playoffs, and in my league, I actually had a first round bye as the #1 seed #humblebrag



Leo and me, just struttin' past all of you Sad Keanus out there #memelife

NO ONE CARES, BROLL!

Fair enough.

Onto the picks!

Thursday 12/4

Dallas at Chicago

Well I didn't get this pick in on time, so I have to give myself an incomplete here. But there's no way I was taking Chicago, because they are DOGS.

Sunday 12/7

New York Jets at Minnesota

Who cares? They both suck.

Vikings 13
Jets 10

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati

Pittsburgh, I guess? Also I hate when at home OR on the road, every Steelers fan yells "HEEEEEEATH" whenever Heath Miller catches the ball. Heath Miller sucks, and so do all of you for STILL DOING THIS.

Steelers 27
Bengals 21

St. Louis at Washington

The Rams are well coached and tough and fighting admirably through their quarterback problems. The Redskins are the opposite of that.

Rams 27
Redskins 17

New York Giants at Tennessee

Both of these teams suck, but I think the Giants will win after that embarrassing blown game against Jacksonville last week. Tom Coughlin is a dead man walking, but the Giants SHOULD rally around him.

Giants 30
Titans 27

Carolina at New Orleans

I picked the Panthers a couple of weeks ago. Never again.

Saints 34
Panthers 20

Baltimore at Miami

I think Miami will play a lot better than they did on Monday Night against the Jets. They were just stunned by the Jets strategy of "let's pretend it's 1905 and the forward pass is illegal."

Dolphins 27
Ravens 24

Indianapolis at Cleveland

I think the dream is over for the Browns :(

Colts 27
Browns 23

Tampa Bay at Detroit

I have no comment to make here, other than that I just read an article in Esquire about the 2015 Ford Mustang that makes me want one. YOU HEAR ME PRIUS? I HAVE NEEDS, OKAY? So, way to go, Detroit.

Lions 37
Buccaneers 13

Houston at Jacksonville

I think the Jaguars will play them tough, but the Texans will be too much for them. Also, we live in a world where Ryan Fitzpatrick threw six touchdown passes in a game. The NFL is a joke when that happens.

JJ Watts 30
Jaguars 20

Buffalo at Denver

The Broncos just signed Ray Rice. Really, Denver? As if having your quarterback associated with awful pizza wasn't enough of a travesty, you signed a wife-beating jerk in your desperate bid to win a championship? Gross.

Broncos 27
Bills 20

Kansas City at Arizona

Poor Arizona - such a good team, such a hot mess at QB.

Chiefs 27
Arizona 17

Seattle at Philadelphia

GAME OF THE DAY! BIRDFIGHT! WHOOOOO! I don't like Sanchez against an aggressive, physical defense, though. Sorry, Eagles.

Seahawks 27
Eagles 21

San Francisco at Oakland

BATTLE OF THE BAY! The Raiders followed up their first win of the season with a complete no-show against St. Louis. Tony Sparano, everybody!

49ers 31
Raiders 13

New England at San Diego

The Patriots because they won't lose again in the regular season. Because that's just what they do. Annoying.

Patriots 24
Chargers 20

Monday 12/8

Atlanta at Green Bay

Go Pack Go.

Packers 34
Falcons 24

Last week: 7-6
Season: 97-64