Week 15 NFL Picks! Limping Towards the Finish Line

So I'm watching the second ESPN 30 for 30 documentary about the University of Miami football program (#TheUPart2 for you Twitter folks) and they showed the part where Syracuse destroyed Miami 66-13, and Butch Davis is talking about how that embarrassing loss to an "unbelievably talented Syracuse team" helped to springboard a Miami renaissance and all I can think about OH GOD WE USED TO BE SO GOOD AND NOW WE'RE SO SHITTY WHY CAN'T WE GO BACK TO THE 1990s WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH



Oh sure, we were laughing then, Donovan. But everyone is laughing at us now :(

Ahem. Sorry.

Also? This Nevin Shapiro seems like a real jerkoff. Wow, an attention-whore associated with the U. What a shock that he was a scumbag!

Onto the picks!

Thursday 12/11

Arizona at St. Louis

Thirty years ago, this would have been St. Louis at Los Angeles. WEIRD.

I picked the Rams to pull off the upset. Wrong again, Roll! I had:

Rams 20
Cardinals 17

Sunday 12/14

New York Jets at Tennessee

Ugh, are the Jets STILL playing? Just go away already, and be sure you take John Idzik with you.

Titans 20
Jets 14

Pittsburgh at Atlanta

Man, I really have to pay more attention this year. Uh...Pittsburgh?

Steelers 27
Falcons 24

Washington at New York Giants

The Redskins suck.

Giants 31
Redskins 20

Miami at New England

Tom Brady doesn't lose in December, because he's a horrible monster.

Patriots 34
Dolphins 24

Oakland at Kansas City

Seems like kind of a no-brainer here, but these division games can be tricky sometimes. "Great insight, captain obvious." "Shutup, strawman critic person."

Chiefs 27
Raiders 21

Houston at Indianapolis

I'll take the Colts at home, but MAN, if there is a division that bores me more than the AFC South, I've yet to find it.

Colts 28
Texans 23

Jacksonville at Baltimore

The good news? The Jaguars don't suck as bad as they did last year. The bad news? The Ravens are still better.

Ravens 24
Jaguars 17

Green Bay at Buffalo

If Aaron Rodgers stays healthy, it's hard to imagine them not being in the Super Bowl. "Wow, bold prediction, Roll." "I SAID SHUT UP."

Packers 31
Bills 17

Tampa Bay at Carolina

Good lord, Panthers, where the hell did last week come from? Also, Cam Newton is lucky to be alive. On the field, if I'm Tampa Bay, I'm not exactly scared of Derek Anderson.

Buccaneers 24
Panthers 20

Cincinnati at Johnny Manziel

I'll go with the Bengals. Because, you know, Cleveland is just one guy - and that's tough.

Bengals 27
Manziel 20

Denver at San Diego

The Chargers will win, as old man Peyton goes through his late season swoon.

Chargers 31
Broncos 27

Minnesota at Detroit

I'll take the Lions at home, because, you know, I'm just not impressed with Minnesota. They needed OT to beat the JETS? At HOME?!?! Weak.

Lions 31
Vikings 17

San Francisco at Seattle

The wheels on the bus have fallen off the 49ers express, in a big way. I hope you enjoyed the mixed metaphor.

Seahawks 31
49ers 17

Dallas at Philadelphia

Sorry, Dallas fans :( I think the dream is over.

Eagles 31
Cowboys 21

Monday 12/15

New Orleans at Chicago

Oof, tough game. I have no idea. Both teams seem to have fallen apart pretty badly. I guess I'll take the Bears at home? Why not.

Bears 27
Saints 24

Last week: 11-4
Season: 108-68