NFL Divisional Round Picks - Still mad at Mark Gastineau, after all these years

Ah, the Divisional Round of the NFL Playoffs. Every year around this time, I flashback in time to 1986 (well technically, 1987, but the 1986 season - shut up, you know what I mean). The scene - New York Jets at Cleveland Browns. Ten year old me is giddy - the Jets are up 20-10, with four minutes left in the game. Barring a complete collapse, the Jets will move onto the AFC Championship Game. The Jets - a team that started out 10-1 that year, until injuries derailed things. But now they were getting healthy! They had a ten point lead on the road, with time dwindling, and the Browns facing second and long. Bernie Kosar goes back to throw, but - incomplete! Third and long is coming up and OH WAIT THERE'S A FLAG ON THE PLAY BECAUSE THIS GODDAMNED IDIOT COULDN'T STOP HIMSELF FROM ROUGHING THE PASSER AND OPENING UP THE FLOODGATES TO A BROWNS COMEBACK WIN IN DOUBLE OVERTIME.



Pictured: a reckless jackass

But anyway, that was 28 years ago. I'm not bitter.

(weeps)

Onto the picks!

Saturday 1/10

Baltimore at New England

Everyone is trotting out the "oh ho! The Ravens have the Patriots number!" crap this week. I'm not buying it. This is not the same Ravens team as in years past, and New England is as good as they have been in years. I would love nothing more than to see the Ravens curb stomp the Patriots, but at Gillette? Without girlfriend-smacking Rutgers graduate Ray Rice? I'm not seeing it, Ravens. Sorry.

Patriots 27
Ravens 20

Carolina at Seattle

I'd love to see the Panthers win so that the Jets could hire Seattle's defensive coordinator Dan Quinn as their head coach and just be done with it. But it's not happening. Carolina has been playing pretty well lately, but I mean, it's Seattle at home in the playoffs. Like the Ravens upsetting the Patriots, I'm not seeing this happen either. Sorry, Cam Newton - no Superman chest rips today.

Seahawks 24
Panthers 13

Sunday 1/11

Dallas at Green Bay

Everyone knows that I've been on the Cowboys bandwagon. But man, seeing Chris Christie throw himself at Jerry Jones like a teenaged girl during a Beatles concert was absolutely nauseating. I'm very tempted to take the Packers to win this game handily, but for some reason, there's something in my gut telling me not to. The Cowboys played horribly last week. Every team that goes far in the playoffs needs to survive one bad performance. I'm going to still take the Packers at home, but I think it will be close and the Packers will have to labor to put them away. Sorry, Governor.

Packers 31
Cowboys 27

Indianapolis at Denver

I was all set to pick the Colts to upset the Broncos, but I'm wimping out at the last minute. That's classic me. Anyway, we all know how this is going to play out. The Broncos will win this round, then they will go to New England and get smashed. Peyton will have the classic Peyton gag-job game on the road in New England, and we'll be treated to shot after shot of that perplexed look that only the Manning brothers seem to have mastered. I'm already sick just thinking about it.

Broncos 27
Colts 24

Last week: 3-1
Regular season: 141-83