NFL Wild Card round predictions!

Ah, the NFL Wild Card round. Or as it's been known around these parts for the past couple of years, the Jets and Giants offseason.

Womp.

Anyway, Tom Coughlin is back with the Giants, but Rex Ryan is GONE from Gang Green. While inevitable, it's still sad. Now the hot rumor is that erstwhile Buffalo Bills coach Doug Marrone may take control of the Jets, which would give Marrone the unprecedented double-dip of being the head coach of both of my beloved football outfits (Syracuse and the Jets, obviously).



Pictured: my once and future savior?

Would it be a good fit? Who knows, but it would sure piss off Jets resident beat-writer and troll extraordinaire Manish Mehta, so it might be worth it for that reason alone.



Pictured: a miserable person

Anyway, onto the Wild Card round!

Saturday 1/3

Arizona at Carolina

Oh Arizona...if only you had a QB. But you don't! I still think they have a very good chance of winning this game, but I'll have to go with the Panthers at home only because Cam Newton is better than Ryan Lindley. I don't know if that's saying much, but there you go. It's a shame - the Cardinals had a great season, but the weren't just bit by the injury bug. No, they were bit by some kind of crazy 10 foot long mystery bug that only lives in Australia and eats both your face off and consumes your soul at the same time. Poor bastards.

Panthers 27
Cardinals 17

Baltimore at Pittsburgh

Losing their bell cow running back (get it? BELL cow? I kill me) hurts Pittsburgh a lot, but they're at home and the NFL always favors the Steelers when all other things are equal. I like Big Ben to carry the STILLERS to victory, and everyone can go drink that crappy Iron City beer to celebrate.

Steelers 31
Ravens 27

Sunday 1/4

Cincinnati at Indianapolis

I'm in postseason form - I spelled both of those city names correctly on the first try. Hooray for me! Anyway, I like the Colts at home because I think Andrew Luck is less of a fraud than Andy Dalton. Which, if you read this blog regularly (if you do, you're the only one), should come as no surprise. I just don't believe in Marvin Lewis, Dalton or the Bengals in general.

Colts 41
Bengals 28

Detroit at Dallas

So the NFL let resident maniac Ndamukong Suh off the hook, eh? It won't matter. I still like the Cowboys at home to win this game because that offensive line is legitimately good. THAT'S the real narrative here. Tony Romo didn't suddenly get more clutch. He got a running game, and he has time to throw. That helps you win football games. Who knew, right? Oh, and Dez Bryant is a maniac too, but in a good way.

Cowboys 31
Lions 24

Last week: 12-4
Final Regular Season record: 141-83