She saw my week two picks
But alas, hope springs eternal, as I attempt to move on from last week's disgrace. I GUARANTEE that this week's picks will be much better!*
*seriously, did you learn nothing from last week? Don't take my guarantee at face value. I know nothing, Jon Snow.
Thursday 9/24
Washington at New York Giants
I picked the Giants to win this one, and I'm glad they FINALLY proved me right. No way they could afford to lose that game, and they didn't.
I had:
Giants 27
Redskins 17
Sunday 9/27
Atlanta at Dallas
Maybe Jason Garrett can dust off his uniform and save the day for the Cowboys. What's that? They signed Matt Cassel? ALL OF THEIR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! (I know I said prayers, but go away Tim Tebow, I said MATT CASSEL).
But in all honesty, I have no idea who to pick in this game. Dallas?
Cowboys 24
Falcons 21
Indianapolis at Tennessee
HUGE AFC SOUTH MATCHUP. Nah, just kidding, who cares. The Colts suck, but man, they sure are lucky they play in that garbage division. I'll take them to win, only because if they go 0-3, there won't be enough drugs in the world to placate Jim Irsay.
Colts 20
Titans 17
Oakland and Cleveland
Another confusing week three matchup. Oakland had a nice win, but I secretly suspect that maybe the Ravens just aren't that good? I don't know. I'll take the Browns at home, I guess, although I hate this pick.
Browns 27
Raiders 24
Cincinnati at Baltimore
UGH another tossup. I guess I like the Bengals in this one, because it's still the regular season (HOT TAKE ALERT), but I also can't imagine the Ravens going 0-3. But, what the hell.
Bengals 27
Ravens 20
Jacksonville at New England
Jacksonville is no longer terrible, but the Patriots are still the lying, cheating, no-good, down-and-dirty, thieving, scumbags that they've always been. I like the Pats at home.
Patriots 33
Jacksonville 24
New Orleans at Carolina
Where's Bobby Hebert when you need him?
"I forgot about me too, don't worry." - Bobby Hebert
Panthers 30
Saints 13
Philadelphia at New York Jets
GAHHHHH I hate picking the Jets' games. They've never beaten the Eagles, but I'm pretty sure they have the better team this year. However, the Eagles are desperate for a win because, you know, they've been terrible so far. Screw it, I'm picking the Jets because I think they legitimately have a chance of killing Sam Bradford today. YOLO.
Jets 24
Eagles 20
Tampa Bay at Houston
Can I pass? Lifeline? No? Shit.
Buccaneers 20
Texans 17
San Diego at Minnesota
Sure, let's take San Diego why not.
Chargers 24
Vikings 17
Pittsburgh at St. Louis
This is a rematch of...some Super Bowl from the 1970s, I don't know. Too lazy to look it up.
This one
But I'll take the same outcome here, after the Rams looked terrible against the Redskins last week.
Steelers 30
Rams 20
San Francisco at Arizona
Cardinals, right? Right.
Cardinals 24
49ers 17
Buffalo at Miami
I think I like the Bills in this one, if only because their defense is legitimately good and I'm still liking that new Rex Ryan smell that is lingering within the franchise. The Dolphins...well, what can I say about the Dolphins. Beat the 'Skins, lose to the Jaguars. I really don't know what to make of them.
Bills 20
Dolphins 14
Chicago at Seattle
Chicago is the worst. Russell Wilson and co. HAVE to get off the schneid this week, right?
Seahawks 37
Bears 13
Denver at Detroit
It's only week three, so Old Man Peyton can still sling it around this week. Plus, he's indoors, where he always has super powers. I'll take the Broncos on the road.
Broncos 28
Lions 24
Monday 9/28
Kansas City at Green Bay
Super Bowl 1 rematch! (No one cares, Broll).
Same result. The Packers will roll.
Packers 31
Chiefs 21
Last week: 5-11 (oof)
Season: 15-17
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